Hey you guys! I know I vaguely mentioned that I’m dealing with some Crohn’s issues again, but I asked and a lot of you said you wanted me to share more about the emotional and frustrating side of things so that’s exactly what I’m going to do today… I’m gonna lay out the frustrations of recovery with Prednisone and some of the emotional struggles that come with the territory (with a little comedic relief along the way ’cause that’s just my style, hehe). This all sparked because I was up until about 4:00 in the morning Wednesday night because I couldn’t sleep due to insomnia and hunger from Prednisone… so I just sat down and wrote my feelings out. And I’m literally about to copy and paste those feelings right here for ya.
Late Night Crohn’s Talk: Frustrations of Recovery with Prednisone
I’ve been wanting to share some things about what’s going on with my Crohn’s right now and I had planned to do it in a much different manner… but this seems like an appropriate time as I sit here at 1:30 in the morning eating cantaloupe because I’m too hungry to sleep. That might sound kind of funny, but that’s life right now and it’s becoming increasingly frustrating. Obviously recovery is a great thing, but recovery is a pain in the freaking butt sometimes.
This has been an extremely mild flare for me (thank goodness!) but it’s just brought different kinds of frustrations, especially now that I’m on the dreaded Prednisone… which is to blame for the 1:30AM cantaloupe binge. Proud of myself for choosing the fruit though! Ha!
Anyways, Prednisone is a vicious cycle. It causes insomnia (painfully ironic since sleep is vital for recovering 😂🤦🏼♀️) so I can’t sleep as is, despite taking nearly three times the recommended dose of melatonin. Prednisone also causes increased appetite. And I’m not talking munchies. I’m talking constant hunger-like I need a full meal 5 minutes ago hunger. So what’s better is that, kid you not, I get in bed every night and tell myself I need to fall asleep before more hunger kicks in.
But it gets better. Prednisone also causes mood swings. So I’m already exhausted and hungry all the time… that’s enough to cause a mood swing alone, am I right? 😂 But I’m increasingly irritable on top of it. ‘Roid rage is real, people, it’s real. Great time to plug in how patient, understanding, and helpful my wonderful husband is in dealing with all of this.
There’s also the little things, like steroidal acne and moon face (a swollen face-similar to how you look after having wisdom teeth out). Luckily I think I decoded moon face (knock on wood-hoping I can pull off avoiding it again!) but the acne seems pretty unavoidable. And yes, I know that’s a bit vain. But I feel like I just got my skin cleared up from my last round of Prednisone and now I have to wreck it all over again.
Same thing goes for having to abruptly end my workout routine. Again, vain, I know. But I’m just being honest with ya-I’m human. Plus, I honestly work hard at those things and it’s discouraging to have to watch hard earned results vanish.
The whole process of recovery through Prednisone is discouraging, frustrating and angering. Hunger, insomnia, crankiness, and acne may all sound like trivial things, but when it all hits you in one giant slap… you just feel like you have absolutely no control over the simplest things. Because, quite frankly, you don’t. And that’s frustrating.
Charlie and my parents can tell you this, but I’ve really been beating myself up this time around. Like I said, this is a really mild flare and man oh MAN am I counting my blessings. But the funny thing is, I feel like because I’m not as sick as I have been in the past that I don’t deserve to feel lousy or frustrated. I don’t feel well enough to go to work or be out and about all day but I’m not quite sick enough to sit at home without going absolutely stir crazy.
But I’m trying to give myself some grace and realize that I don’t have to be on my death bed to allow myself the time to rest and heal. I chatted with one of my oldest friends last week (who deals with her own awful GI situation so she GETS it) and she gently reminded me of that. And obviously I wouldn’t be on stupid Prednisone if it weren’t needed. 🙄😂
All I’m getting at is… be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. It’s okay to be frustrated, discouraged, angry and confused about where you’re at, no matter what you’re dealing with, health related or not.
I always try so hard to not stay in those places mentally. It’s definitely not healthy to live in those negative feelings. But I think this time, because I wasn’t suffering as severely (again, thank goodness) that I forgot to let myself have time to work through those messy feelings which has only prolonged them.
So this is me, sharing exactly where I’m at with you-tangled up in some messy feelings. So you know you’re not alone. So you know it’s okay to feel those things about whatever it is. Don’t stay there, but allow yourself the grace to feel it and work through it.
I’m beginning to really see a community grow over here and I love that I have a place to put these less pretty parts of life out there. I never in a million years thought I would have the courage to lay these raw feelings out here like this despite how much passion I have for it. So thank you for that! And not just because you’re awesome to let me get it off my chest, but because I hope so badly that someone else will just know they’re not alone. Thank you for allowing this place to exist for someone else to know they’re not alone. 💜💜💜